Today we will talk about our habits.
The fact is that most of us, dear friends, are caught in the network of our habits. Just some of us are aware of this, and some do not.
We talked about introspection, which is done with the help of our diary. And here it happened that it always happens in my practice with patients, when there is a need for serious work on myself. You started talking about a lack of time; The fact that this analysis of the day can be done endlessly, but there will be no result; about the reasons that dictate just such your way of life; About my inclinations and shortcomings and about many other things, which does not allow you to look at your habits.
But habits are those daily actions that, in fact, build our whole lives.
Well, in a large secret I will tell you that I have not met more hardworking people than lazy; more kind than angry; more conscious in nutrition than those prone to overeating and. D..
The fact is that people who control themselves know what the essence of their personality is actually. They deliberately develop a very important and that gives each of us an incredible personal power the habit – the involvement of their own life.
It is this point of view that dictates the need to fight your negative habits.
This is the replacement of the other line of behavior that has been developed in each of us for years – resistance to ourselves, the fight with ourselves.
For example, often the situation in modern life: a woman (let’s call her Lisa) is prone to overeating. To such an extent that Lisa has obesity and hypertension.
She tends to seize her grief and problems, rush to the refrigerator or slab on the slightest reason, so that he is less worried. Does Lisa automatically, and without thinking.
This is a habit.
But being Tolstoy is not beautiful and problematic.
Lisa often speak (or hint) that you need to lose weight – doctors, friends, husband, acquaintances.
And in the end, she agrees with this – yes, you need to lose weight.
To this end, Lisa begins to make heroic efforts: he sits on a variety of diets, buys all sorts of miracle-how-in-fictitious tablets and teas, every evening he struggles hard to look into the refrigerator and-slander something; okay, not high -calorie. It becomes angry, irritated, but – continues to fight with the desire to eat delicious ..
Before the breakdown, of course.
And then – until the next breakdown, and so on, and so on.
So, in this case, Lisa is the following: on the one hand, she is sure that the only opportunity to get rid of the habit (overeating in this case) is to resist her, to develop the opposite habit; On the other hand, she believes that this can only be done gradually, for some time.
She waits for this time to come – but it does not come.
She is disappointed, tired and 80% of the guarantee that she will eventually retreat with the confidence that “nothing helped me”.
Is there any awareness in her choice?
That actually leads her actions?
Fear.
If a person really explores what exactly leads to him, he sees that any form of resistance to his habits leads to the development of further internal conflicts and that time, how many days, weeks or years we did this, in reality, does not lead to the end of the habit; Therefore, the question arises whether it is possible to get rid of the habit without resistance to it and without the participation of time – to get rid of immediately?
The topic of fears in psychology is considered deeply and versatile. From a psychological point of view, fear is considered a negatively colored basic emotion, since it will not be divided into components, but various other emotions are based on it. Most of the fears that each of us experience in the process of life can be divided into such groups: fear of getting sick, die (fear of our own vulnerability); Fear of being rejected, fear of achieving success, fear of being deceived, fear of losing, fear of non -recognition of us by others.
These are fears that are facing the internal state of a person, his state.
Each of them is determined for us by the perception of our Self and determines the ability to survive in this world.
If a person is afraid to be rejected, then this fear manifests himself in many areas of his life: this is a fear of dating, fear of intimate relationships, fear of communication with people and other similar fears. A person is simply afraid that he is rejected, and it doesn’t matter in what situation.
Therefore, he begins to protect himself from fear of being rejected, fingering more and more from the rest of the world.
And in the case of Lisa, she (or rather, her body) was fenced off from the whole world with a fat layer ..
But there is one special fear that I want to specifically draw your attention to.
The main essence of this fear: despair and pain – I can’t do it, I can’t, I can’t work. Is it possible to defeat this fear at once?
Of course not.
It can only be rebuilt and remove it that I get what I want because I do something and I have-these are the results.
In the case of Lisa, the self -observation diary helped her. How it worked? She chose a clear goal – to get rid of 5 kilograms.
Every day she planned her efforts: a set of exercises with a gradual increase in load; Breakfast, lunch and dinner, taking into account the calorie content and usefulness of food; Mandatory walk, and later – a run before bedtime and obligatory settings in the morning and evening (at first these were affirmations, then morning and evening prayers).
Of course, control weighing with mandatory fixation of the results in the diary was carried out.
Analyzing every day, she saw that the main problem was not at all in the fear of failure … She saw that her life is generally monotonous and gray. Ultimately, the problem of weight has ceased to be relevant.
Lisa was simply puzzled by another goal – to make her life as interesting as possible, filled and saturated with happiness. And the next habit on which she began to work was the habit of filling every hour of her life with meaning and diversity.
Result – the problem of fear has disappeared.
Was it one moment of comprehension of oneself or still conscious work with oneself and a change in the principles of life?
Judge and draw conclusions – you.