Question: I met a guy 3 years old. At the beginning of the relationship, everything went well, we recognized each other, spent a great time. He (c. 21 years old) I fell in love and I fell in love. After half a year, we began to constantly quarrel with him on trifles. IN. I was jealous of my friends, to my friends. Because of his jealousy, I stopped talking with the guys, simply because I didn’t want to lose him. He also did not listen to me in any scandal, constantly raised his hand at me, of course, then he apologized for it, but the assault was repeated despite his promises that it would not be repeated. I forgave him that.
We parted with him several times, but a week later he came to me, knelt down and said with tears how much he loved me, prayed that we were together again. We put up, everything was fine, but then the situation was repeated with jealousy. All this lasted 3 years. Then we talked with him frankly about our relations and came to the conclusion that we could not be together, we are tired of each other. We parted, but I still love him and he loves me. Then I found out that he was already dating another (a couple of weeks after our parting).The girl he meets was advised by his mother. Oh yes, I haven’t said in. constantly listens to his mother, he lives with her alone, and with his father he practically does not see. Well, his mother immediately fell in love with a new girlfriend of her son, and now his mother is bad about me, but why, I don’t know.
And while in. met with another, he came to me and spoke to be with me, but he could not, t. To. His mother is against this.
Then in. went to America to work. He wrote to me, called. He said that I would not cry because of him, but found another guy for myself. After a while, he already began to be jealous of me again. He was jealous of my friends on the Internet. I reminded him of his words when he told me to look for another guy. He pretended that this was not and leads me to me to wait for him.
And my problem is that I cannot understand all his actions, then first says “look for another”, then “wait for me”. I myself miss him, on the one hand I want to be with him (I just love him, we made plans for the future, I wanted to always be together), and on the other hand I do not want to be with him, it’s hard to return to that guy who is who He beat me, and even now meets another. It’s hard for me to understand this situation. I’M IN. I don’t understand at all now ..
I hope for your help, advice. Maybe from the side it is more visible. Thank you for earlier.
Catherine 19 years old.
Answer: When the mother herself raises her son, her influence often turns out to be very strong on him and the child (boy) finds himself in a double role, when he is not only a son, but also a husband for his mother. This is done on the one hand with love, but the other, depressed and not free part, which this “part -time” is very painful to the mother (wants to hit her). And in your relationship – he is very drawn to you, is afraid to lose (jealous), and on the other, he wants to hit you, suppress, push you away. This is his internal conflict, which does not allow him to be with you and free himself from the influence of his mother. And if his father beat his mother, then, among other things, it is also loyalty to the father, which is manifested in the fact that the son is the same as the father (t. e. faithful and good son in the eyes of his father). But this is all regarding your boyfriend, I say about it that you understand him a little better. However, it is much more important for you to understand why you got into such a situation, chose such a guy (prone to aggression and suppressing the feminine), why they forgave him (as is due to a sense of their own value and self -esteem). How would you describe your inner man (yin) and a woman (yang)? In what relations are they?