In most families, phrases that we use in a conversation with a child are transmitted from generation to generation. And we sometimes catch ourselves thinking that our mother also told us in childhood. But few people think about what influence they have on our relationship with the child and his non -formed children’s psyche.
Children react very emotionally to many traumatic situations in their lives. And we can help them cope with them, and support the child, and we can do even more harm, saying a rash phrase in the conversation.
How do you usually talk? Follow yourself in a conversation with your child. Do you support it, or vice versa, use in your speech the means that harm him and your relationship with him?:
Teams and orders: “Well, now stop roaring!”(The parent plays the role of the commander. Instead of supporting the child, it makes it clear that he is not on his side, faces misunderstanding and the abyss in the relationship between an adult and a child is growing. In addition, the child receives knowledge to himself – “I can command me”. And this can affect his future life negatively)
Warning and threats: “If you do not listen to me, I will tell my father, and he will deal with you!”(The parent is guided not by the desire not to help the child and understand him, but to” restore order “as soon as possible”. This can give rise to a child’s aggression in relation to parents, or, conversely, make a child “clogged”. There can be no talk of trusting relationships.)
Morality, sermons and moralizing: “You must work. I told you a hundred times. From this now all your problems!”(The parent plays the role of moralizing. The child is already bad, and from parental instructions it becomes even worse. This is annoying.)
Tips and lectures: “I would not be upset in your place because of the deuce, but I would prove to everyone that I can study well!”(Parent – Heost. You are literally never in the place of the child. Be in your place! The advice is good when they ask him. You need to understand and support the child..)
Accusations, reprimands and criticism: “Forever you have any troubles! You can’t get a mind in any way!”(Parent – critic and prosecutor. It hurts childhood vanity. Criticism with the transition to personality – destructive.)
Praise: “You are the best in our world!”(The parent extinguishes the child. And the latter is very difficult to match this measure. Often, he wants to refute such a praise. And the parent seems to be “jinxed” his child. “Only the good said – and there was a nuisance at once!”)
Calling and ridicule: “You cannot be such a donkey!”” Oh-oh! Our Einstein was not appreciated!»” The whiner!”(You can glue the shortcut for a lifetime. Think about whether you want such a fate for a child?! And humor is good when it is fun. And in this situation, the child may not be up to fun.)
Guesses and interpretations: “You are angry because you can’t do anything” (clairvoyant parent. If there is no information, it is better to keep silent than to “calculate” your child. If he does not want to share with you, it means that he does not need your invasion of his personal space now. Respect your child.)
Investigation and questioning: “What is happening? I still find out.”(The same as guesses, show respect for the borders of your child. You are not an investigator. And he is not a criminal.)
Sympathy in the words: “These are trifles!”” Do not pay attention!”(The child understands that you are not up to him, that you are indifferent to his feelings and even depreciate them. And resentment against you is also added to his difficult feelings)
Jumping and leaving the conversation: “Before the wedding heals!»” It will change – the flour will be!”(The same indifference to the feelings of the child and their depreciation)